So, my wife has told me for sometime now that she likes me with a goatee and she says that it somehow (I know crazy right?) makes me ever more of a hottie.  She later told me that it made me look like Patrick Dempsey and that was a good thing.  So, for months, scratch that, more like a few years, I have been walking around with a goatee because I thought it made me more like this dude or w/e that she thought looked like me.  Anyways, last night I was toiling away on yet another video masterpiece, I sat down and gave Hot Wife a foot massage as she watched Grey's Anatomy.  I stifled my vomit as they all seemingly made-out with each other the entire time.

So, if you are familiar with Joeprah and my constant pursuit of equality in this screwed up society we live in, you will remember I was denied access to a neighborhood wine club simply because I have a penis.  It was an ovary only club and my first reaction was, of course, anger.  That night (after being turned away) I burned some of my wife's bras, sunk into a deep depression that lasted until the next morning when I had some chocolate milk (it always cheers me up) and began to analyze the topic to death (here).  But, like any true warrior, I did not accept the ladies denying me as ultimate failure.  I fought through it.

* Warning: if you get offended over satirical posts; first, shame on you; second, you may skip this post and wait for something simpler in design *

I think many other dad bloggers may have noticed that once they have categorized themselves as a “dad blogger” they have almost instantly given themselves a mortal blog wound.  What I mean is that many female/mom bloggers don’t give men/daddy bloggers the time of day, simply because of their protuberances.  I have noticed many times in the past that moms will leave me comments like, “I don’t normally read dad blogs, but…” or “I told myself that I wouldn’t read any dad blogs, but…” or “The ladies in my sewing circle are going to kill me for reading your blog, but…” 

* Warning: if you get offended over satirical posts; first, shame on you; second, you may skip this post and wait for something simpler in design *

I think many other dad bloggers may have noticed that once they have categorized themselves as a “dad blogger” they have almost instantly given themselves a mortal blog wound.  What I mean is that many female/mom bloggers don’t give men/daddy bloggers the time of day, simply because of their protuberances.  I have noticed many times in the past that moms will leave me comments like, “I don’t normally read dad blogs, but…” or “I told myself that I wouldn’t read any dad blogs, but…” or “The ladies in my sewing circle are going to kill me for reading your blog, but…” 

So, I see a neurologist every six months because I have mild retardation (see juvenile myoclonus) and in-between recent visits I developed some numbness (left pinky and ring finger) and discomfort in my left elbow.  Apparently, I do not subscribe to proper posture when I am in full-blog-mode (see sloucher pictured left) and the fact that I rest my head on my left hand via elbow support is somehow not helpful.  On my visit last week, my doctor told me that there is a chance the nerve may heal on its own if I change my habits, but there was also a chance that I may need surgery (nothing big, an out-patient dealy).  But, I was told I did need to schedule an EMG or Nerve Conduction Study/Test and today was the day. 

I really had no expectations going into the study other than I knew that it would take about an hour.  It wasn’t until I was in the examination room that I found out what the study was comprised of.  Basically the test is a combination of electric shocks and a bunch of needles.  It was like I was in the movie Hostel for an hour and this strange man with an expensive watch and a last name I have always had difficulty pronouncing induced pain in a myriad of ways.  How is the study conducted? 

1. you are grounded—you know, like an electrical appliance
2. the doctor gets out some of that jelly stuff that I think they use during sonograms
3. the doctor dips his stun gun/cattle prod into the gunk
4. the doctor gears up the amperage so to better shock you
5. you are shocked
6. steps 3-5 are repeated up and down each arm maybe like 50 times or so
7. you blackout
8. once you regain consciousness you notice the test isn’t over
9. the doctor now has a needle/slim sturdy metal implement
10. the needle is attached to a electrical measuring device
11. the doctor says something ironic like, “this won’t hurt”
12. the doctor plunges said needle/metal implement directly into an arm muscle about an inch deep
13. you are asked to flex said muscle with the needle in it
14. steps 11-13 are repeated numerous times up and down the arm
15. the doctor says something alarming like, “this may hurt a little”
16. you are stuck in the fleshy part of your thumb about ½ inch deep
17. it hurts
18. you are asked to flex said muscle with the needle in it
19. steps 15-18 are repeated a number of times in the hand
20. you blackout again
21. you regain consciousness as the doctor says you may need surgery to repair a pinched ulna nerve

During all these test the doctor will invariable say something really crazy like, "relax" or "relax, please."  I felt like saying, "You just shocked me with that cattle prod thing, so it's a little hard to relax at the moment," or, "I'll relax as soon as the needle is out of thumb muscle."  I basically felt like this guy:

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So, for all of you out there that are having tingling in your hands/fingers, get it checked out.  How do I prevent getting a blogging related injury?

• Don’t lean on your elbows

• Don’t slouch

• Don’t spend too much time in one position

• Do use an ergonomic split keyboard that conforms to your arm angles naturally 

• Do use an ergonomic mouse pad that conforms to your wrist angle naturally mouse pad

• Do Support your feet (I was told that is important too)  

So, if you have noticed I haven't commented your blogs regularly as of late, I have a note.  Do you have a blogging related injury?  Care to share?

**This has been a public service announcement from team Joeprah, happy blogging.**