Kids like to draw on walls.  Toddlers especially have a penchant for this type of graffiti, it is a fact.  As for me, I have a toddler daughter that likes to scribble remedial drawings throughout our house.  Perhaps, more than anywhere else, she enjoys defacing her room.  I read a post at Sarcastic Mom sometime ago where she was talked about being a crayon Nazi .  Although I feel her pain, I would have to say my pain is more permanent in nature.  I can only wonder if she will have to deal with some of the same issues I have over the tenure of the last two years with our third child.  She is absolutely a whirlwind.  She gathers up magic markers like a prisoner pilfering contraband.  When she was still in the diaper I caught her trafficking a Crayola purple magic marker on her way to "nap-time."  The worst part about the entire, "I am going to draw all over everything including myself," mentality is that she is so cute.  Like the Italian mafia, you never knew you were marked for a hit since they killed you with a smile.  My daughter, who is part Italian, exhibits some of this brilliance as she often distracts me with giggles and smiles that are warm enough to melt the polar ice caps.  I am not calling my daughter evil or a hitman, but in a way she targets me with her cuteness like a goon targets an informer with his tommygun.  These distractions have lead to many incidents, like the time when she colored her body...almost completely, and the infamous magic-marker-red-chair-extravaganza.

Have your kids done anything ridiculous with markers, crayons, pen...paint...anything?  Do tell.

Well, enough with the rant.  Here is video proof of my daughter's wanton destructive capabilities.  Enjoy!

For some reason I have been beset with issues pertaining to and surrounding the toilet. The toilet on its own is a beautiful thing. White, shining porcelain and crystal clear waters disguise the tempests that both necessitate its existence and ensure the temporal nature of its beauty. If walls could talk, the stories they would tell, and since they don’t—enter Joeprah. Throwing caution to the wind, here are three tales of toilet trouble—a “grind house” of sorts per se.

I have met many folks who have kids and all but two had issues keeping their cars clean.  If you go a week without picking up your car/mini van/SUV you will start to feel crowded.  That's not extreme and that's not Joeprah.  I like to let things go until I can't concentrate on the road, until the smell is beyond offensive and the source of said smell can't be found.  I like to wait until some objects that used to smell are now just petrified former examples of themselves.  I like to let things compost a bit in my mini van.  So, I put together a video of what can happen to your vehicle as a parent or other wise if you let things accumulate.

Dads everywhere know what I’m talking about when I say that children around the ages of 2-3 reach critical mass in the height department. Once a child reaches “junk” height they become a danger to dads, uncles and granddads alike. The amount of pain they inflict on an adult male can only be described as shocking. Toddlers are the perfect weapon.

Why are they the perfect weapon?

• They have little to no conscience
• Their heads are large in comparison to their bodies thus causing them to lean forward when they run
• They run constantly
• They are very difficult to get angry at
• They attack without notice

I think there is absolutely ‘a time’ when, as a dad to daughters, you notice, “You know what, being naked around the girls feels weird.”  This naked awareness is a cultural change in a household like ours that is used to having young kids just bumbling in on my wife and I when we are getting dressed.  I mean, lately I have been getting the impression that my 8 year old, who I have made an effort to not be naked around for a little while now, is on a secret scientific mission to gather data about her naked father and make him feel completely uncomfortable in the process.  It didn’t happen gradually either, I mean for her perhaps, but when you notice a kid staring