Thursday, November 19 2009 23:49
On the eve of New Moon, I have been inspired to voice my opinion on the Twilight series as it pertains to a dad (a stay-at-home dad at that) raising three daughters. This post is one of a series of posts from other dad bloggers as part of The "Twilight" Dad Bloggers Experiment over at Dad Blogs. First, let me begin by saying my daughters are young (9, 7, 4) and they have not seen the movie nor read the books in the Twilight series. As far as censoring what my daughters see, we don’t let them read books that aren’t age appropriate or see movies and TV shows that contain subject matter that is of PG-13 or greater in nature. As they grow up the question will be, what is my role as a dad in guiding them through the possible pitfalls that the teenage years present? Is Twilight one of those possible pitfalls?
My wife and I saw the movie and many of our neighbors (mostly moms and one teenage girl) have read the book. What we have learned about the series over the last several months is that Twilight has its good points and bad points as well. Overall, the message is of dark, vampiric/werewolf teenage love. The themes include the feeling of being an outsider as a girl and the awkwardness of the teenage years. More disturbingly, one of the bigger messages is that a unsuccessful and abusive relationship are OK.
The main character, Bella (incidentally my oldest daughter’s name), is drawn into an abusive relationship with a vampire teen. The relationship is negative and abusive in the sense that Bella’s love is often unrequited and she is often left wondering what she did wrong, but is still drawn to a relationship with an obviously dangerous peer. As a dad to three daughters—this is something that I have worked over nine years to prevent and I will continue to work to show them what a good relationship is through the example my wife and I show them.
I have seen many elementary school aged girls reading the series and needless to say middle schoolers, but, for me, I think the book is best left up to the high school girls. Why? I have done a lot of reading on the topic of the book and read scores of reviews from both parents and kids, not to mention I have talked to many of our close friends who have read the book, and I have come to one conclusion—the book isn’t something I will promote in our house.
Why?
My big concern is the fragile psyche of teenage girls. Sure, I am a big influence on my daughters and my wife and I seek to provide stability and always look to model what we think is best for them as they look for examples in those most important to them in their lives. My fear is that one day my daughters will look to an outside source—a boy—for an example. To that end this series scares me.
I have read that as the series proceeds it gets darker, more violent and more sexual. Bella lies to her parents and hides her relationship with Edward (her vampire boyfriend). Toward the end of the series, Edward leaves and Bella engages in questionable/suicidal behavior to try to win him back. Edward, the vampire boyfriend, is abusive—period. There are times when he breaks into her house just to watch her sleep, there are times when Edward won’t let Bella spend time with her other friends and he even sabotages her truck so that she has to depend on him for even transportation. I am seeking to raise strong, independent, smart girls who aren’t suckered into a negative relationship. That is my number one worry as a dad. Well, that and 2012.
With all that being said, I see the book as fictional and with a decent amount of entertainment value for women as a love story, but for teens I see it frankly as something I would rather them pass on. My feelings may change as they grow up, but I can’t see letting any of my daughters approach this book until they are at least fourteen or fifteen.
Here's what other Dad Bloggers are saying about Twilight:
Clark Kent's Lunchbox - "Twilight" For Girls? Dad Bloggers Share Their Thoughts
Kellog's Korner - Twilight – New Moon
Kellog's Korner - Twilight – is it appropriate for young Ladies?
Howefitz -Twilight: One Father’s Ramblings On A Phenomenon
And here's what a Mom Blogger has to say on the topic:
Ciara's Ramblings and What not - Is it safe? Twilight and Teens
What are your thoughts? Is the book safe for teens? Are the movies appropriate for young girls? At what age would you allow your kids/daughters to see this movie or read the books?
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written by PC NenaX, November 20, 2009
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written by ciara, November 21, 2009
guess i'll just tell you that last year, when twilight came out, every girl in 8th grade had a copy of the book and carrying it around school...almost cult-like lol
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written by ciara, November 21, 2009
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written by Roschelle, November 22, 2009
. I understand your points about the relationship being abusive and Bella's "suicidal" type behavior was kind of crazy. No, it is CRAZY!! I guess I'm just naive in thinking that most girls/guys/women/men old enough to understand the plot also understand that it's fantasy - at least the werewolf and vampire part.
But the love, feelings of rejection, impulsive behavior and sexual side of the story are something to really consider.
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written by sibel, November 22, 2009
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written by Functional Father, December 13, 2009
I have not read the books nor seen the movies for the Twighlight series, but having gotten the scoop from a few people, and the seemingly constant "ga-ga" effect that the main actor has on women in their 20s and 30s, I too would not feel that this something I want my daughters exposed to at an early or pre-teen age.
I'm all for letting them make their own choices, but I hope that my wife and I have some influence on their decision making process and it's not dictated by what they read in a book or see on a screen. I think is particularly important with their voyage into romance. Based on your comments, I would think that a teenager using the Twighlight series as a case study for romance may be counterproductive.
Thanks for the review - good to know and helpful for looking at the future for me.
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